tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
