Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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