I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
