you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
