I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
