Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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