Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
