After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
