I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
