i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
