new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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