Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
