We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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