My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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