What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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