I understand Curling. That high.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
