i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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