I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
