based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
