a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
