new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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