...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
