i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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