I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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