just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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