hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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