burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I stole a fireplace last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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