gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
