Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
