How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
