evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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