Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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