READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
