i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
