So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
