I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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