my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
