It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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