what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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