Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
