Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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