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I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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