Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
