just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
