If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
