Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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