Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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