OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
