if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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