For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
