I wannas sexs uuuuu
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
