My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
