Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
