I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
