Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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