Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
